Introduction
What does a gainfully employed, now debt-free, young student of FIcology turn his attention to? Leverage, of course! (The romantic kind, actually — keep reading.) While we often think of leverage in financial terms, the most powerful multiplier in life isn’t a stock, real estate, or a high-paying job. It’s your choice of a life partner.
If you read any self-help or success material, you’ll quickly find teachings on just how important this decision is. There is probably no other advice more simple, more valuable, and more difficult to implement than what I’m about to tell you.
No decision you ever make will have more impact on every aspect of your life — including your FI timeline — than your choice of a life partner will.
Captain Awkward vs. The Legion of (Dating) Doom
Like many, I grew up with fairly low self-confidence, especially where the opposite sex was concerned. Besides being extremely shy and introverted, I was painfully awkward and convinced I had nothing of value to offer.
So instead of dating, I focused on college, working, and finally getting my life together. This meant I was really inexperienced when I decided to pursue romance at age 26. At this age, the pool of quality, single females seemed slim. It was pre-internet days, so there were no dating sites (although I suspect those have introduced just as many problems as they’ve solved). So, I relied on “set ups” and bars. I think I had the pleasure of landing a date with every type of problem personality: narcissist, spendaholic, drama queen, cheater, etc. to the point I thought it was hopeless. Because I care about people (or maybe just had separation anxiety), it was always difficult to end things. I’d stick them out until I was the one who got “dumped”. This dealt blow after blow to my already fragile ego.
I decided to look for answers in a familiar place: the self-help section of local bookstores, this time in the “Relationships” area. I devoured some relationship self-help books and learned a lot about people but more about myself.
The Unbeatable FI Principle: Shared Values and Goals
Earlier I mentioned the most important decision in life is the choice of a spouse, the person you will spend your life with. While it’s easy to choose to love someone, spending a lifetime with them is entirely different.
Think about it, everything you do will be influenced by this person:
- Health & Wellness: Diet, exercise, spirituality.
- Financial Blueprint: Debt, spending, savings rate, investing strategy, and your ultimate FI timeline.
- Mental & Emotional Capital: Drama, insecurity, emotional baggage, or -ideally- encouragement and stability.
- Success & Ambition: Time utilization, goals, ambitions, habits, mindset
- Happiness & Security: Conflict management, personal growth, and creating a safe harbor
While you can influence another person, you cannot change anyone but yourself. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you’ll train a spendaholic to be fiscally responsible, a cheater to be faithful, a narcissist to care about others, a drama queen to be rational.
A Critical FI Lesson: You cannot save a sinking ship. Your attempts to change or “rescue” a financially reckless or fundamentally incompatible person will only drag you down, delaying or preventing your own goals. Recognize irreconcilable differences, cut ties quickly, and move on. It is the kindest path for both of you.
The Golden Rule of Attraction: Be Your Own Happiness
Here’s the real truth: happiness can only come from inside you. If you are looking for another person to make you happy, every relationship you will ever have has already failed. Until you’re comfortable with yourself and happy being alone, you won’t be happy with someone else.
- Cultivate hobbies, join clubs, get in shape, and invest in yourself. Get comfortable in your own skin.
- If you’re happy, you’re going to attract other happy people. If you’re not, you’re going to attract the opposite; misery loves company.
Next, BE the person that you’re looking for. If you want someone faithful, you can’t be a cheater. If you want someone financially savvy, you can’t be piling on credit card debt. You get the idea. My friend, Jerrod, says it this way: If you want to have a good friend, BE a good friend.
Mrs. FIcology: The Unexpected Reward of Self-Improvement
So months of self-work later, I’ve learned to be happy alone. I’ve got hobbies, new people skills, and genuine confidence (because I’m happy with myself so who cares if I get a date or not?).
This self improvement phase led me to a new hobby: country line-dancing. One night at a HUGE bar called “Little Bit of Texas”, I saw the most beautiful girl on the dance floor I’ve ever seen. I mean, I was enthralled. She was tall, beautiful, happy, and fun-loving.
I mustered up some courage and embarked on that long walk across the dance floor. The spotlights were on me, and I got to her table only to realize she was no longer there (she saw me coming and ran off to the bathroom!). So here I was, already sick-to-my-stomach nervous, with 5 of her friends staring at me. So, I asked one of her friends to dance. That move scored points with her friends which opened the door for me to return later and dance with the future Mrs. FIcology.
This was just the start of a quest for the girl of my dreams. During that “quest”, I learned that she checked all the boxes I wanted: single, independent, financially responsible, kind, caring, honest, and the list goes on. At one point, I saw a note she’d kept from her grandmother that said “a penny saved is a penny earned” and “mind your checkbook”. What a treasure!!! One year later we were engaged, and about 6 months after that we got married in Jamaica. As of this writing, I’m coming up on 30 years married to that wonderful girl.
The Ultimate Return on Investment (ROI)
In the FI community, we obsess over metrics: savings rates, returns on investment (ROI), asset allocation, and market performance. But the truth is, the highest-ROI decision you will ever make has nothing to do with money itself.
Finding Mrs. FIcology didn’t just give me a wonderful marriage; it gave me the most powerful form of leverage possible: Shared Values and Goals.
- We didn’t have to fight about debt because we were both debt-free, fiscally responsible, and aligned on frugality and saving.
- We didn’t waste time or energy arguing because we both chose happiness over drama and pettiness.
Our journey to FI was accelerated and joyful because Mrs. FIcology was, and is, my partner, not my rival. She doesn’t just support my values and goals; she shares them.
If you are looking for that ultimate multiplier in your life – the one decision that smooths the path to FI, doubles your happiness, and halves your stress – look inside first. Become the quality person you seek, and then be relentlessly intentional about choosing a partner who provides Shared Values and Goals.
This is the firm foundation upon which a wealthy, joyful, and truly financially independent life is built.
What are you doing today to BE the person you are seeking?