The Importance of Community – A Personal Warning ⚠️
If you’re reading a Financial Independence blog, there’s a good chance you’re an independent person, like myself. For me that has meant things like: “I don’t need anyone else”, “I don’t need any help”, and “I can do everything on my own”. For good or bad, our current world of internet, cell phones, delivery services, streaming entertainment, etc. enables independence more than ever, even pushing us in that direction.
About ten years ago, there was a 5-year period where life really should have been at its peak for me, but I was becoming increasingly depressed. I went to work every day and put on a happy face, but I was steadily crumbling in my personal life. I went through a series of ups and downs while steadily trending downward. Suicide became part of my regular thoughts. I researched methods, came up with a plan and even started executing the plan. It was at that point I decided to seek professional help. I saw a counselor once a week for about a year. He helped me unpack some childhood trauma, understand my negative thought patterns, learn & apply new thought patterns, and most importantly to understand how depression & isolation feed off each other to create a dangerous downhill cycle that can end in death.
Although I learned multiple things from counseling, number one for me was that I was lacking people in my life. I can remember my counselor’s words to this day — he said:
“[Professor], I think you need a friend”.
He was right. As life marched on with career, wife, house, family, and responsibility, my friends had fallen by the wayside; family members had drifted away. As I isolated further over the years, depression started setting in. I had lost much of my community and I hadn’t noticed the gradual decline.
Community is a necessity, I found out. And being an introvert by nature, this means I have to be very intentional about seeking and maintaining community. If I neglect this for too long, bad thoughts start creeping into my head again. I have to be quick to recognize this and take action — get out of the house, go talk to people, volunteer for something, anything to get human interaction.
The Human Aspect of Community – Life or Death 🛟
Principle 1 – Humans are tribal creatures. We are hard-wired to require community.
Social connection is critical to our well-being. It provides emotional and physical support, helps manage stress, promotes physical activity, and improves sleep quality. Studies have shown that married couples and people with strong community ties live longer. We need friendship, companionship, and regular social interaction.
Lack of community can have the opposite effects. The CDC lists the following health impacts of social isolation and loneliness:
- Heart disease and stroke.
- Type 2 diabetes.
- Depression and anxiety.
- Suicidality and self-harm.
- Dementia.
- Earlier death.
Think about it — one of the cruelest punishments for incarcerated individuals is solitary confinement. It’s a horrible experience that often leads to permanent mental issues and even suicide.
Never discount the importance of human connection. Surround yourself with friends, family, and community. Don’t wait until you’re aged 50 and depressed like I did. You’ll be healthier and happier.
The FI Aspect of Community – Bust or Boom 📈
Humankind has evolved as tribal creatures. Our ancestors depended on a tribe for food, safety, reproduction, and resources. Getting along with, being part of, and helping your tribe were critical to an individual’s success and survival. We are hard-wired to blend-in with, imitate, conform to, and please the members of our tribe. While we don’t really have tribes today, we do have groups & communities. And they can have just as much impact and influence on us as tribes did on our ancestors.
Principle 2 – You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with.
One of the really cool things about the FI/FIRE movement is the incredible community that it has created. There are podcasts, camps, conferences, forums, local meetups, and more. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more big-hearted, helpful, and life-loving group of people than the FI community. If you want financial independence and to live life to its fullest, there’s no better way than to surround yourself with a community that is focused on achieving that as well.
Principle 3 – Habits, good or bad, are a product of your environment.
To reach financial independence and architect the life you want to live, you’ll need to form good habits. FI events and communities are the perfect environments for that. You’ll be regularly reminded of what we’re working towards. You’ll hear success stories of other individuals and the strategies they’ve employed. You’ll find the knowledge and tools needed for financial independence. And member successes are regularly celebrated.
The path to financial independence has a number of pitfalls that are easily avoided with the help of the FI community. Those pitfalls include: career, legal, taxes, investing, and emotional just to name a few. While potentially detrimental to the lone traveler, they are easily navigable with the help of other travellers, both past and present. This is why the FI community can make the difference between bust or boom.
Conclusion – Key Takeaways 🔑
I hope you found this post helpful. It’s a bit more personal than I’m normally comfortable sharing. But I think the message is so important. You are loved. You deserve to be happy and successful. You deserve a life that YOU design where you spend your time the way YOU want. Here are some key takeaways.
1. See a Counselor at First Sign of Depression
I resisted seeing a counselor for so long. I thought it was “dumb”, “weak”, “desperate”, “only for crazy people”. I’d argue with my wife “That’s just paying someone to be my friend”. Wow, I was wrong. Depression makes you want to be alone. You’re sad, you don’t want to be around other people, so you isolate yourself. Isolation then makes you more depressed, so you isolate more. And this just spirals downward. It’s a terrible place to be and help is available. A counselor can help you understand this, break the cycle, and so much more.
2. Actively Seek and Maintain Community
We’re tribal creatures and we need our tribe. Unfortunately, today’s world requires continual effort to maintain relationships. Career & family demands take a lot of time leaving little for other relationships. Friends come and go. Family members drift away. And mortality takes all of us eventually. Always keep a set of quality friends. A good friend of mine (who, ironically, has moved away) once told me:
“If you want to HAVE a good friend, BE a good friend.”
Initiate the conversation. Do the first act of kindness (and the second and third). Actively listen, don’t just wait for your turn to talk. Be present. Treat others as you’d like to be treated and then some.
3. Join Groups with Habits You Wish to Adapt
Our tribal nature and desire to be accepted by our tribe, makes it nearly impossible not to become like the community you spend time in. And be warned that this works for both good and bad habits. If you want to read more, join a book club. If you want to drink alcohol, hang out in a bar. Since this is a FI blog, here are some potentially useful groups.
- CampFi.org – CampFI is a series of 4-day camps that occur all over the U.S. and even some international. It’s a great way to meet and learn from like-minded FI people. The camp includes lodging & meals, so it’s very economical.
- ChooseFI.com – Choose FI is a podcast, blog, and community. They have worldwide and local facebook groups & meetups. If you’re near any major city, there is likely a local group that meets regularly.
- EconomeConference.com – EconoMe is an annual conference for the FI community. I haven’t been to one of these yet. Tickets sell out very fast. It’s also a bit more expensive as food & lodging are not included.