Opening – The Cobra Mustang
20 years ago, I bought a dream car. A 2004 Cobra Mustang in rare mystichrome paint. Rather than drive it, I mostly cherished it and kept it stored in perfect condition. My kids grew up around that car; I have pictures of them pre-school through college next to it. Fast forward to 2026 – it only had 10k miles on it and had become highly sought after by collectors. Four months after retirement I sold it. Not because I had to. Because retirement anxiety got loud enough that I felt compelled to.
Six months ago I made a well-thought-out, but imperfect, decision to retire and I’m still living with the weight of it. I am happier, but not without doubt. Read on for my honest evaluation of the experience so far.
Background – It Wasn’t a Perfect Exit
If you read my previous post 017 | The Decision to FIRE you already know I fast-tracked my retirement 3 years earlier than I was comfortable with. My employer of 15 years sold our small, family-like company to a private equity firm. And although the new firm treated me well, I was now in a high-stress, corporate environment. After 3 years of that, I decided to retire at age 59 even though I wasn’t 100% ready financially.
To make our numbers work and retire with the lifestyle we wanted, I really needed to work until age 62 according to my spreadsheet. The numbers technically worked at age 59, but they are dependent on: Social Security, Mrs. FIcology working 5 more years so we have healthcare, and Mrs. FIcology’s future pension. Also, in our favor, we are 100% debt-free and could sell our house if we had to.
If you’re following the stock market currently, you know it’s widely considered to be significantly over-valued (i.e. we’re due for a correction). And if you’ve been in the FI community for long, you also know that sequence of returns risk is the biggest threat to a new retiree’s portfolio. In other words, a major market correction in the first 5 or so years into retirement can completely wreck a retirement portfolio.
Despite all this, the numbers do work, and I had enough confidence to retire and free myself from my new corporate overlords.
The Negatives
Before deciding to retire, I did a ton of research and planning. Most importantly, I studied and reviewed our finances. I also did a number of deep dives on non-financial retirement topics. Topics ranging from time freedom to the phenomenon of early death from having no purpose. I felt fully prepared to expect and handle anything that would come my way. But, I was still surprised by my actual emotions & experiences.
Money Mind Games
The first thing that was really hard to accept is that I no longer had a paycheck coming in. We had a decent amount of cash built up in our bank account, and watching that dwindle instead of grow was much more difficult than I thought it would be. It was also difficult pulling from our investments for the first time to replenish our bank account. I became very focused on not spending money and questioning every expense. And there is a healthy level of that. But, I definitely crossed into unhealthy territory; I’m starting to loosen back up now.
Our savings has been another difficult thing for me. I’ve found myself checking the stock market daily. So much so that Mrs. FIcology can sometimes tell from my mood whether the market was up or down that day. About 4 months into retirement, the market took a brief nosedive of about 10-15%. This was MUCH harder to tolerate than I ever imagined. I didn’t panic sell; but it crossed my mind. Fortunately, I have an investment plan in place and I know better than to try to time the market. Nonetheless, it was still way more stressful on me than I thought it would be.
Even though I didn’t panic sell our investments, I did sell my Cobra Mustang as stated above. I make it a point not to live in regret, so I’m not regretful about it. But selling that was way harder than I expected. When the shipper loaded it up and left, I cried. Yeah… I know it’s dumb, but something that was a piece of my life for 20 years drove off that day.
Structure and Purpose Gap
The first time that someone asked me “What do you do?” it hit me harder than I expected. I’ve spent the last 30 years developing software and managing software teams. And now, I don’t do anything. “I’m retired.” Ouch. At the same time, my friends all continue to work. They have responsibilities, earn paychecks, invest, and are part of something larger. I don’t have any of that anymore.
The first few months of retirement, I was really busy. I created this blog website, wrote blog posts, caught up on things around the house, went to Bible studies, met people for coffee, and so on. I kept a rigorous schedule because that’s what I’ve done for the last 30 years. But now I’ve become less intentional about making lists and checking them off. I’ve been amazed at how quickly the days go by with me accomplishing so little. Don’t get me wrong; it’s great to do stuff at your own pace. But, the lack of structure can be unsettling and add to the feeling of lacking purpose.
Unexpected Emotions
While I knew being retired didn’t just automatically mean I’d be happy, I’ve experienced more negative emotions than I expected. I already mentioned some of my money & investment fears above. But I’ve found myself experiencing a really irrational fear — that we’ll live too long and run out of money. Seriously? I’m worrying about living too long? That’s some messed up, backwards, FI logic right there.
I don’t know if this counts as an emotion, but here’s another one. I find that the more free time I have, the more stingy I am with it. I’m less willing to go spend time with others or go do the things I said I’d do if I retired. Here’s an example: there’s a mountain bike trail about 45 minutes from us. I’ve always wanted to ride there, but I never did because it’s too much of a time commitment. I’ve been retired for 6 months and I’ve only gone one time. This one baffles me and I’m actively working to correct myself.
Boredom and loneliness are a couple other emotions I’ve experienced on occasion. While I’ve mostly kept these at bay, they do pop up occasionally. As a lifelong introvert and a survivor of severe depression, I know better than to let myself isolate. But without regular work interactions, it’s easier than ever to do.
Community / Friendship Fails
My biggest hope for retirement was to have more community and more friends. While I have made a few new friends, it’s nowhere near what I imagined. I knew how hard it is to make friends going into this, but it’s been much harder than even anticipated. I’ve joined 3 different men’s Bible studies. The one I was most hopeful for, I recently quit. After months of diligently attending, doing the studies, discussing, I had completely failed to make any meaningful contacts or friendships. A lot of that is my fault for being so introverted, but this group was also very introverted which makes it REALLY difficult to form a relationship.
So, I think I need to reframe my approach. While I haven’t thought through it in detail, I have some ideas. First, quickly evaluate groups/environments for their potential to build quality relationships. Some environments are not as well-suited and that’s okay. Determine that upfront and either try to make the environment that way or move on. Second, be more intentional forging friendships in groups. Don’t sit back and wait for people to come to me. Third, speak up and share sooner. I always wait until I’m comfortable to speak. By the time that happens, I’ve created an awkwardness that makes it even harder for me to talk. Fourth, offer to help others. Help people get what they want/need and they’ll help you. Finally, compliment and encourage others. Tell people when they say or do something you admire or that adds value.
The Positives
Okay, now for the fun part. I led with the hard stuff on purpose because the good stuff hits differently when you know the full picture. There’s a LOT of good stuff and it far outweighs the negatives.
Mental State
First of all is my overall mental state. I’m so much happier, calmer, and relaxed. I look forward to every single day. I don’t want to go to bed at night because I don’t want the day to be over. I’m kinder, more understanding, and more loving to my family and to others. When I was still working, I dreaded every single workday. I wasted my weekends being miserable because Monday was just around the corner. I would go for walks to clear my head and end up in tears because I was so miserable. Life is so much better now that I removed myself from that environment. I can’t even begin to tell you how huge this is for me. I’m so thankful for my life now.
Marriage
My improved mental state and my new time freedom have allowed great improvements to Mrs. FIcology’s and my relationship. Not only am I kinder and more patient, I have the time and energy to serve her more. It’s been great to take on more chores and perform more acts of kindness. One of my favorite things to do is to prepare dinner for her each night and clean up afterwards. She’s done that for our family for years and now it’s my turn to do it for her.
Planning for retirement and being retired have also made me much more conscious of the limited time each of us has. That makes me appreciate my time with Mrs. FIcology even more and be less likely to waste any on petty arguments and such. We still have our own interests and spend time separately, but we rarely waste any time being angry at each other.
Community / Friendship Wins
While I’ve had some failures in this department (see above), I’ve also had some wins. I’ve made a few new guy friends and strengthened bonds with a handful of others. I’ve grabbed coffee with friends that I previously didn’t have time for. I created my own 8-week Bible study, including the material, and hosted it along with Mrs. F. We made a couple new friends out of that and strengthened some existing friendships.
Mrs. F. and I have joined a local ChooseFI group that we attend monthly. We’ve made new acquaintances through the group. And it has helped with some of my money fears above. It’s also been useful to hear others’ experiences and perspectives on FIRE topics.
And I’ve joined a monthly, local AI group. It has helped me learn AI and continue to explore technology. I’ve also made some new contacts that may let me turn this hobby into some cash. This helps me with my sense of purpose struggles I mentioned above (and it may help with my money fears if it generates some income).
Knowledge / Experimentation
One of the most rewarding things about retirement is the time and freedom to pursue new knowledge. It’s honestly been a challenge to give myself permission to pursue learning things that “work me” would never have budgeted time for.
I mentioned above that I’ve joined a local AI group. But I’ve also spent a fair amount of time learning and applying AI. As a lifelong software developer and technology enthusiast, AI fascinates me. While I’m still in my infancy learning it, I’ve used it to: rebalance our portfolio, grammar check blog posts, create a job search application for my son, generate code for a side hustle gig, and more. I’ve found this to be very satisfying and it gives me a sense of purpose.
I’ve been a self-help junkie most of my life and being retired has allowed me to continue that trend. But, it’s also allowed me to give myself permission to read and learn other things. For example, I just read “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” and “Through the Looking Glass”. I’ve never really allowed myself the time to read fiction before. Another example of allowing myself to be curious for curiosity’s sake is a recent deep dive I did into Euler’s number. Euler’s number is an irrational constant, like Pi, that represents continuous growth. In the FI world, it can be used to calculate continuous compounding of interest. As a FI/FIRE enthusiast, I found this super interesting.
Experiences
Being retired this short time has enabled a number of experiences for us that we would never have had if I was still working full-time. I’ll list just a few.
Our 30th anniversary was in March and we took a trip to San Antonio for a week. We stayed on the river walk downtown. We got a VIP tour of the Alamo including items in their private vault that few people get to see. We visited all the mission sites there, caught up with some old friends, saw a spectacular light display, and a bunch of other touristy stuff.
Our son graduated college a couple weeks ago and was home briefly before landing his first job. The day before he left, we hiked a long trail that ends at a wet weather set of waterfalls. The hike was tough but the falls were absolutely amazing. Words can’t describe the majesty of rushing waterfalls in the middle of lush green woods while dangling my feet in the cold clear water. What a great way to spend our son’s last day with us. If not for retirement, I don’t know that I would have had the time or energy to do that hike.
Later this summer, Mrs. F and I are going to work in a fireworks stand. We will get paid for our time (not a lot), but we’re in it for the experience, not the money. It’s a chance to meet other people, serve the family that owns the fireworks stand, and serve the people of our community that shop there. And because we’re doing that, we got invited to a free evening of games, food, and an awesome fireworks show from the local distributor. That show was one of the neatest experiences we’ve had recently.
Still Figuring It Out – And That’s Okay
Overall, retirement has been great. Many of my expectations have been met and others have not. There have been good and bad surprises. I honestly expect all of retirement to be this way: to continue learning and doing new things, to have ups and downs, and to continue chasing what brings us happiness. I recently heard a podcast with Martha Beck that really struck a chord with me. So much so that I think it will be the mantra for my entire retirement. That is: to methodically and consistently move towards things/people/experiences that bring true life joy (not to be confused with quick dopamine hits like shopping, food, social media, etc.) and away from those things that do not. It’s a simple concept, but may be difficult in practice especially when shedding things that steal joy. Thanks for reading and may your path be joy-filled, friend.